Push through or turn back? What your fear is really telling you.
We are all too familiar with fear. The real question is - is it wisdom or just noise? Let's decode the science and spirit of fear.
We’re all a little too familiar with fear. Sometimes it’s the nerves before a presentation. Sometimes it’s the butterflies before a big decision.
But what do you actually do when fear shows up?
Do you trust it? Push through it? Ignore it?
What’s fear’s real purpose — and how do you know when to listen versus when to override?
In this post, we’ll explore the science and spirit of fear. What it’s trying to tell us. When to move through it. And when it’s actually pointing us to something deeper.
Let’s dive in.
What is fear
Fear is what shows up when your body or mind think you’re in danger.
As humans, we evolved to feel fear to survive — not necessarily to thrive. This was useful in olden times when our ancestors were under threat of attack, predators, or starvation. In those moments, fear sharpened the senses and fueled quick decisions.
But in the modern world, that same fear often kicks in not when our life is in danger — but when our identity, ego, or sense of certainty feels threatened.
Today, fear arises when we speak up in a meeting, launch a new project, or follow an unconventional path. It’s no longer about survival — but it feels just as intense. So the real question is:
Should we always listen to fear? Or is it sometimes the very thing holding us back from the life we’re meant to live?
To understand this a bit better, let’s dive into a brief biology lesson.
Fear is automatic
The source of fear is a small region in the brain known as the Amygdala. Fear is automatic - meaning it is triggered in this region without conscious control.
Some of our fears are those we are born with - also known as evolutionary fears - that help us survive. For instance, fear of heights is something even very young babies express.
However, most of our fears are conditioned by our reactions to different stimuli over the years. Through conditioning, your brain can learn to fear things that aren’t actually dangerous. For example, if you were once humiliated while public speaking, chances are that your amygdala may now automatically flag similar situations as dangerous.
By the way, the amygdala is very efficient and overly cautious…it doesn’t wait for certainty — if something even looks like a past danger, it hits the fear button anyway within milliseconds.
This is probably why most of us struggle with fear and how to deal with it.
Fear is automatic but our reaction to fear isn’t
The good news is that while fear is automated and beyond our conscious control, we can control how we react to fear.
Biologically, our brains have a region called the Prefrontal Cortex. This is the “newest” part of our brain evolutionarily speaking and helps us pause, think, and choose instead of just reacting.
To give you context, the amygdala has been around for hundreds of millions of years old while the prefrontal cortext is only a couple of million years old. And, it is larger and more evolved in us than our primate ancestors.
So as humans, you can effectively override your fear. That’s great news!
But the real question is: When should we override it, and how do we do it wisely?
Override or listen: how to react to fear?
In the modern world we live in, it is challenging to know when fear is real. Unless there is a threat to survive, which isn’t the case for most of us, chances are fear is blocking us from living the life we want.
The secret to understanding fear…
The best way to process your fear and take action comes through awareness. While this sounds vague, only when we are aware can we understand whether we are repeating old patterns and conditioning or whether there’s something deeper at heart that we need to pay attention to.
If it’s the former, you may want to break free from your shackles…if it’s the latter, that warrants a pause. If you think shackles is a harsh word, you may want to bookmark this post for later.
I’m still learning every day, but the following practices have already been powerful for me — helping me strengthen awareness and make clearer choices when fear arises. I hope you find them useful.
#1 Post-action feeling
One of my favorite books on managing fear is Russ Harris’ The Confidence Gap. In his words…
The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.
When you’re about to do something outside your comfort zone, the amygdala can be a powerful hijacker that can convince you that you have to listen to your fear.
In that case, it can be tough to be aware of this hijack before you take action.
For instance, let’s say you want to give Youtube a shot but you’ve never been publicly on camera. Chances are your amygdala has hijacked your brain and now you have a 100 reasons not to do that.
In this situation, it makes sense to take a small step forward anyway and evaluate how you feel after. For instance, maybe you do a quick recording and post it on youtube to test waters.
Then, evaluate post-action.
How do you feel once you’ve done the action? Are you glad you did it? Maybe it wasn’t the most comfortable thing but you’re glad your taking action based on your values and future aspirations.
If so, chances are that overriding your fear was the right call.
If post action, you still feel unsure, try this one out.
#2 Future thought experiment
I think regret as a thought experiment can be very powerful in getting us unstuck from situations where we are overthinking.
If fear is holding you back, ask yourself: Where will I be in 1 or 5 years if I don’t take action — and will I regret it? That perspective can help you see whether fear is truly protecting you, or just keeping you stuck.
If you will regret it, you know your answer: override.
So is override always a safe option?
When should you actually listen to your fear?
#3 Alignment or fear?
Sometimes, what we call fear is actually a lack of alignment.
Yes, consistency matters more than motivation — I get that.
But if every time you take action you find yourself second-guessing, “Why am I even doing this?” — that might not be fear. That might be your inner compass telling you you're off track.
Pushing through things that don’t excite you, or don’t align with your values and deeper aspirations, isn’t discipline — it’s depletion.
That’s when fear isn’t something to override.
It’s something to listen to — and perhaps, a quiet nudge to change direction.
#4 Experiment with curiosity
I recently found myself in a situation where I mistook a lack of alignment for fear. I kept pushing forward, convincing myself I just needed to stay consistent — but over time, I felt drained and disconnected, like a part of me had already checked out.
Alignment can be slippery and hard to define. But if showing up feels heavy or exhausting — maybe it’s not fear you’re pushing through.
Maybe you’re just showing up for the wrong thing.
2-week experiment
Take 2-weeks off (as much as possible - I know we have tasks, routines, responsibilities…) to cut out what drains you and just follow your curiosity instead.
Give yourself the liberty to just be curious for the sake of it!
Maybe you want to research something, give a business a shot, read a book, visit the beach, workout … whatever it is — do it! And do it freely for the 2-weeks.
As you do this experiment, make sure you set the intent at the start of the day:
Today, I will do things that make me curious and bring me joy.
and journal every day, day-wise.
Document your actions and most importantly, your feelings that came about with those actions.
In truth, I extended the experiment to 100 days because it’s just so fascinating. If you have the liberty, more time can bring more clarity.
It’s an eye-opener to ask yourself: Am I just doing chores, or am I living life vibrantly?
Noticing that difference could be the first step toward discovering your true calling — or at the very least, uncovering what truly brings you joy.
#5 Meditation and journaling
Meditation and journaling have given me the clarity I was struggling to find before. If you’re looking to strengthen your intuition and gain deeper insight, I highly recommend making this your next read.
One practice that really stood out to me from Gabrielle Bernstein’s bestselling book The Universe Has Your Back was unexpectedly powerful.
She suggests a simple method: ask the universe—or your inner self—a question you’re seeking clarity on, then sit in meditation.
Once done, open your journal and write freely—no filter, no overthinking.
I was genuinely surprised by how clear and specific the answers were.
To fear or not to fear — that’s the real question
Until recently, I believed pushing through fear was always the answer—and for most of my life so far, it has been (I think…I guess I can’t A/B test life and know otherwise!)
But recently, I faced a fear that asked me to pause, not push. And I’m grateful I listened.
If you ever find yourself in that in-between space, give these practices a shot and let me know how it turns out.